Archive for May, 2011
What signals the beginning of summer better than the onslaught of sequels? Hangover II, the highly anticipated sequel to the wildly successful and hilarious original, is the latest rehash movie shoved down our throats. Americans have opened their mouths wide, latched onto Hangover II, and swallowed its load of bitter mediocrity. Already the #1 opening weekend box office comedy of all time, the public reaction from this movie really saddens me as a member of humanity. I overheard other movie patrons exiting this movie calling it “brilliant,” and “spectacular.” If Hangover II was brilliant, it was brilliant in its ability to dupe the public into buying tickets for a less funny rendition of the original. If it was spectacular, it was a spectacular failure of expectations.
Where to begin with this colossal train wreck?
Zach Galifianakis, creator of the moniker “wolf-pack” and lovable idiot from the first movie, is just flat-out annoying in this one. Surprise, surprise, he decides to drug everyone again on the eve of Ed Helms’ marriage, which leads to a boisterous, impromptu night in Bangkok. When Zach’s character isn’t dropping insanely racist comments (comparing a Buddhist monastery to a P.F. Chang’s), he’s generally a malevolent idiot we just want someone to slap around. There’s one instance where mobsters confront the wolf-pack on the streets of Thailand and demand their pet monkey back at gunpoint. I don’t care how stupid you are, if you’re going to put up an argument over a fucking monkey you found in the morning when a gun is pointed at you, it crosses the line from being funny to being straight-out infuriating. I found myself wishing that Zach’s character was just ass-stomped sometime in the movie. Sadly, this never happens.
Ken Jeong, or “Mr. Chow,” is the Asian gangster character from the first movie that has a greatly expanded role in the sequel. First off, that scene where he overdoses from cocaine and is disposed of in the icebox wasn’t funny. The entire theater was awkwardly silent during that entire scene. It was really morbid – I had to double-check my ticket stub to make sure I wasn’t watching Requiem for a Dream. Secondly, when later in the movie we find out that Mr. Chow is alive, we almost wish he was dead because of how annoying he is. When he isn’t reinforcing every negative Asian stereotype there is, he’s too busy imitating a black gangster and portraying every negative black stereotype. He’s slightly amusing, I suppose, if you get a chuckle out of overt racism.
Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper perform as expected…. Although there was another scene I found profoundly morbid, when Bradley Cooper’s character is shot in the shoulder and everyone is screaming in panic in an alley. I failed to see the humor in that situation, and most of the theater did too, as evinced by the crickets at the time. The plot formulation is almost an exact replica of the original. There is a lot of female nudity, so I can give it some bonus points for that, though.
The ending of the movie is flat-out awful. The wolf-pack manages to find Ed Helms’ lost brother-in-law, Teddy, but we find out that he’s lost a finger sometime during the night. Despite losing a finger, Teddy (Mason Lee) seems awfully pleased that he’s re-joined the guys and quite complacent with losing a digit. If I went out drinking with the guys and woke up minus a finger or toe that following morning, I would be freaking the fuck out and causing a scene. The fact that Teddy acts so cool about it pisses me off, and the fact that the overbearing dickhead father-in-law was totally accepting of his favorite son returning maimed infuriated me. Ed Helms’ speech at the end of the movie was asinine, and the fact that the father-in-law even accepted it as an excuse for their appearance is both nonsensical and fucking retarded.
Hangover II ends by making you think everyone had yet another crazy night, but came out ahead. When
1) One member of your party gets shot (Bradley Cooper).
2) One member of your party gets ass-fucked by a tranny (Ed Helms).
3) One member of your party loses his finger (Teddy).
4) One member of your party is a terminally retarded (Zach Galifianakis).
THAT IS NOT A GOOD FUCKING NIGHT. AT ALL. This should be a tragedy, not a comedy. If I were any one of these guys in the movie, I would be miserable and sever all relations with everyone else for the rest of my life. The day one of my friends allows me to get shot, lose a finger, or get ass-fucked by a tranny is the day I no longer want to associate with him.
From: Medina Justin Yak
HELLO MY DEAR,PLEASE HELP ME OUT.
I am writing this mail to you With due respect trust and humanity, i appeal to you to exercise a little patience and read through my letter i feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business having gone through your remarkable profile, honestly i am writing this email to you with pains, tears and sorrow from my heart, i will really like to have a good relationship with you and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you, i decided to contact you due to the urgency of my situation, My name is Medina Justin Yak, 25yrs old female from Southern Sudan in Africa.
My father Dr. Justin Yak Arop was the former Minister for SPLA Affairs and Special Adviser to President Salva Kiir of South Sudan for Decentralization. My father Dr. Justin Yak, my mother including other top Military officers and top government officials where on board when the plane crashed on Friday May 02, 2008. You can read more about the crash through the below site:http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7380412.stm
Some months after the burial of my father, my uncle conspired with my step mother and sold my father’s properties to a Chinese Expatriate. On a faithful morning I opened my father’s briefcase and found out document which my beloved late father used and deposit money in a Bank in Burkina Faso , with my name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money so that I can start a better life and take care of myself. The Branch manager of the Bank whom I met in person told me that my present status does not permit me by the local law to clear such money or make a transfer of the money into an account, he advice me to provide a trustee who will help me and invest the money or I should wait till when I will get married it demand by their Authority.
I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own blood sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me. More so, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my uncle has threatened to assassinate me. The amount is $5.6 Million and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso . You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country.
However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your interest in helping me, I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it till i come over because I am afraid of my wicked uncle who has threatened to kill me.
Medina Justin Yak
To: Medina Justin Yak
That sounds awful! Of course I sympathize with your situation. I would be honored to serve as your trustee to help facilitate your escape from your evil uncle.
I do not need 20% of any wired fees to help. Please let me know your exact address, and I will personally take a flight to war-torn Sudan and meet you in person to aid your exodus. This way, you can see me firsthand and know that I am a person of trust and moral character, and not some charlatan who would deceive you to steal your money.
P.S. I find it odd that your family name is “Justin.” Is that common in Sudanese culture?
From: Medina Justin Yak
Thanks for your mail and i received your email with lots of excitement, because when I sent the letter to you my heart has been over occupied with thoughts and fear if my situation will touch your heart to come for my rescue.
Firstly, I am emailing you from the office of the Rev .Father in the Christ De King Refugee Mission Camp where i am hiding my self now, because of my step mother and uncle who is trying to take this my Fund from me, I told the Rev. Father Dennis about my communication with you and he permitted me to access my email in his office computer twice a day,
Presently, i lost my phone, but if you want to call me, you can call me with the office Number of the Rev Father (00226 76 94 24 39) here in the refugees camp and ask of Medina Justin Yak that stays in the female hostel block G12 when you will call me.
life here in the Refugee camp is very difficult to me, I cannot be able to eat three times a day, I am really suffering here, it makes me cry each day and night when i look at my condition here, but I know that with you i will soon come out from this my present condition and have a new life with you,
I have been in the bank for several times and I was informed by the Director of the bank that before this fund will be transferred, I must have to present a trustee that will stand on behalf of me as my trustee. Because of my present condition as a refugee and also advice from my Father before his death.
I have already make up my mind to come over to your country since you have already decided to help me, even if you want me to come over before the transaction I will so much like it because I am suffering here in the Refugee Camp,and i so much appreciate all your promises concerning to hep me, I pray that God will give you the courage and the heart to help me,
1) I am Medina Justin Yak 25 years old girl from ( Sudan) Concerning this transaction, I have the deposit certificate and the death registration certificate of my late father, which I have presented before the Bank manager and i am assuring you it is not going to bring any problem now or future.
About my Education, I was admitted in the University in 2007 there I did my one year subject in accountancy before the Death of my beloved parents, and I will like to continue as soon as i relocate to your country, because this is a promise i promise to my Father,.
So dear I need your informations which I will include iiinformation’s of authorization so information’send it to bank as my trustee
I am waiting for this information so that I will send the letter to the bank, and please remember that you should keep this only to yourself till the money has been transferred.
I do not want anyone to know about it, you know that they are so many wicked people in the world, that they will see good thing coming to you and they will stop it, I am a living witness, so promise me that you will keep it to yourself, so that the whole transfer will be ok. also need your picture so that I will know whom i am doing some thing with look like.
To: Medina Justin Yak
Daaaaaamn girl, you clean up good. I think it’s best if you do come over before the transaction, so I can meet you in person and “get to know you better.” I want to make it clear to you that if I help you with this bank transfer, you will have to sign a contract in my country to become my domestic sex slave for a time period of no less than five years. I am not a good Samaritan. There has to be something in it for me, and since money doesn’t sexually arouse me, your orifices will have to do. If this is agreeable to you, please let me know so I can send you my bank and personal information.
The stipulation of this sex contract will be as follows:
1. You will have to perform oral sex on me every morning and every evening, as I either wake up or fall asleep.
2. Regardless of what you are doing in the house, you will drop your pants and bend over upon command for on-the-spot quickies.
3. You will go ass-to-mouth upon demand.
4. You will perform sex no less than twice per day (the only exception being when I am too exhausted from having sex with other women).
5. You will talk dirty and call me such names as “daddy” and “uncle” while I bang your gorgeous, Sudanese body.
Please let me know when you can come to America to fulfill these sexual requests. Once you have done so for a short trial period of 6 months, I will proceed with this bank transfer.
P.S. Did you really make a life promise to your father to study accounting? That’s amazing!
From: Medina Justin Yak
Before I send you any personal or bank information, I need a sampling of your sexual prowess. Please let me know when you can arrange a visit to America so I can bang you silly. If this doesn’t work, I can always visit you in Sudan. I will need some nookie before I send anything!!!
Over the last year, as the Obama administration’s foreign policies have shifted more and more to resemble that of his predecessor’s much maligned policies, I expected to hear a rising crescendo of anti-Obama sentiment from the mainstream media. After all, die-hard liberals such as Fareed Zakaria of the blatantly left-biased CNN, blasted Bush continuously over the years, culminating in his condemnation of Bush’s record as “on the whole… one of failure and missed opportunities.” Other liberal pundits were not nearly as polite, criticizing Bush as being short-sighted, naïve, and even incompetent. Take political hack Keith Olbermann, MSNBC’s pitiable idiot, who accused Bush of “murderous deceit” and actually broadcast on air that Bush “sent 4,000 Americans to their deaths for nothing!” The mainstream liberal media reported to our nation that Bush had failed in Afghanistan, failed in Iraq, and that he let Osama Bin Laden get away. Most infuriating, they said Bush had failed in the War on Terror, despite the fact that we did not experience a single foreign terrorist attack on U.S. soil after 9/11.
Imagine my surprise, then, to witness the adoration/dick-sucking from the same mainstream liberal media for Obama’s foreign policy, which has more or less morphed into Bush’s. The only explanation is blatant liberal media bias, revealed to America for what is truly is yet again – a network of hypocritical partisan hacks who would laud a Democrat for the exact same actions that they ridiculed a Republican. While Obama’s and Bush’s domestic policies remain worlds apart, Obama evidently realized that Bush’s bold, strategic vision of the Middle East was not “short-sighted” or “naïve,” but the only plausible way forward. What was the other alternative? Simply retreat from the Middle East and allow for the rise of anti-Western, militant, Islamic theocracies? Suddenly, however, this approach is no longer derived from the “backwards, primitive, and black-and-white” world of Bush politik. It comes from the enlightened, progressive mind of Obama and is the beginning of a “new chapter in American foreign policy.” What horseshit.
Does this rhetoric remind you of anybody?
“The events of the past six months show us that strategies of oppression and strategies of diversion will not work anymore… It will be years before this story reaches its end.”
Sounds an awful similar to the “flowery” pro-democracy, anti-terrorist rhetoric Bush championed, doesn’t it? The rise of democracies and freedom movements in the Middle East right now would not have even been possible without the Bush administration laying the groundwork there. And what of the Obama administration’s support for military intervention in Libya? Or enlarged U.S. commitment to the War on Terror in Afghanistan and Pakistan? What liberals once derided as “unwinnable” wars are now described as Obama accomplishments in “turning the tide.” The liberal media once reported daily on coalition casualties and how much of a war criminal Bush was for all the collateral damage “Bush’s war” in Iraq was causing to innocent Iraqi civilians (never mind that our enemy hid amongst these same civilians, and often times drew their ranks from them). Yet we hear nothing of the catastrophic casualties inflicted by Obama’s policy of increased use of unmanned predator drones in Pakistan, which experts claim have a collateral damage rate of 10 civilians killed for every 1 terrorist fatality. Under the Bush administration, such strikes accounted for nearly 425 deaths in Pakistan over 5 years and 58 flights. Obama has drastically increased the program to account for nearly 2,000 deaths over a short span of two and a half years and nearly 200 drone strikes (Source). Hey liberal media, shouldn’t you be calling Obama a mass murderer of civilians too? Isn’t he a war criminal? The hypocrisy is astounding.
Perhaps one of the most frustrating policy issues glossed over by the biased liberal media is Obama’s reneging on a campaign promise to close Guantanamo Bay and transfer those prisoners to the U.S. mainland. I recall the liberal media at the time slobbering on Obama’s knob when, days after his election, he issued an executive order closing the facility. “A return to civility! Now we aren’t torturers!” the ivory tower pseudo-intellectuals cried out. Evidently Obama realized that the Bush administration had good reason for keeping those terrorists there, because he signed an executive order earlier this year on January 7th to keep Gitmo open and cease transfer of dangerous terrorists to the U.S. mainland, as well as stopping the extradition of said terrorists to foreign countries. Funny how the liberal media failed to make a big deal about that.
Even more ironic is the fact that the liberal media just ignored the fact that the biggest Obama foreign policy accomplishment to date – the capture of Osama Bin Laden – was due to raw intelligence gathered by extra-legal interrogation methods approved by Bush. The liberal media not only painted Bush as a war criminal for this, but recklessly spread the fallacious rumor that the CIA was water-boarding every Gitmo detainee, even though we now know only a handful of key terrorist leaders were ever subjected to the treatment. In doing so, they endangered the lives of Coalition soldiers and put the lives of civilian contractors in danger. While pouring gasoline onto the fire, they blamed Bush for letting the conflagration burn out of control in those violent summer months of 2007 prior to the Bush-authorized surges in Iraq. Of course, now that the capture of Osama validates these interrogation techniques, the liberal media speaks nothing of its former criticisms. DEAR LIBERAL MEDIA PUNDIT: YOU PUT THE LIVES OF U.S. SOLDIERS AT RISK WITH YOUR INANE, PARTISAN HACK-JOB OF AN ARTICLE, AND NOW YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG? OH, I ENVY YOUR LACK OF CONSCIENCE.
This is not to say that all of Obama’s foreign policies are similar to Bush’s. His call today for Israel to withdraw to its 1967 borders is beyond ridiculous. I fail to see how you can claim to support democracy in the Middle East when you ask the most vibrant democracy and arguably our biggest strategic ally, second only to Saudi Arabia, to cede territory to a group of people who elected terrorists and thugs as their popular representatives. What we should do instead is to dictate to Israel that they must freeze their settlement constructions and carve out a permanent Palestinian state to finally resolve this mess. Failure to do so would result in the cease of U.S. foreign aid, which is the lifeblood of Israel’s military funding. Of course, no U.S. president has had the balls to do this since the birth of the Israel as a nation, so I doubt anything happens under Obama, or the next president after him.
In the end, the rhetoric and actions I’m hearing from Obama nowadays sound awfully similar to those I heard under Bush. The only difference is the mainstream liberal media’s reaction to it. From derision and denunciations to applause and adoration, the change in reporting is both shameless and indicative of how far left this country’s mainstream media has become. Do people honestly wonder why Fox News is the most heavily watched cable network? Here’s your answer: it might not be objective, but it’s the only news outlet that isn’t twisted the facts with obvious, left-wing partisan bias. So, liberal mainstream media pundit, the next time you want to bash Fox News for its right-leaning news reporting, take a good, long look at yourself. You have become the mouthpiece of Obama’s White House press secretary. Your journalistic integrity is shit. Your objectivity is a sham. And you should probably just go fuck yourself.
Priest, the sci-fi action movie set in a post-apocalyptic, alternate universe in which humans and vampires have waged centuries of war against each other, is about a warrior priest (Paul Bettany) who defies the church and goes on a mission to find his abducted niece. Bettany plays a convincing role as an outcast, but there are serious plots holes in this movie. It feels like a rushed project that didn’t have the budget to cover the gaps in the storyline, as evinced by the animation-introduction of the preface and the short run time (87 minutes). Skip the next few paragraphs if you wish to avoid the spoilers. Otherwise, read on for the flaws of Priest.
The previously mentioned animation-introduction describes a reality in which humans and vampires have always existed and fought against each other. The Warrior Priests from which Paul Bettany’s character is drawn from, was the “Final Solution” the omnipotent Catholic Church developed to put down the vampire menace. These priests turned the tide of the war and allowed the humans to triumph, but were disbanded, forgotten, and disgraced afterwards. The remaining vampires were collected and put into concentration camps called “reservations” in the film. Glaring plot hole #1: why would you ever keep parasitic, highly dangerous, and incurable vampires alive? What purpose did these reservations serve? There is no possible benefit to keeping them alive, and only a multitude of downsides (such as the one which this movie builds its premise from – an escape by the vampires to form a menacing horde that threatens humanity once again). This isn’t a relocation of some displaced population. It’s akin to a termite infestation in a home. You don’t simply remove 90% of the termites and keep 10% of them in a controlled part of your home. Fucking retarded.
Furthermore, I have a hard time understanding how this is a post-apocalyptic world if vampires had always existed. Throughout the film, we see shots of bombed-out towns and the soil level supposedly contains radiation levels after nuclear fallout some time ago. If this war had been going on for centuries, how were these buildings ever built in the first place!? It makes no fucking sense. For there to be a POST-apocalyptic society requires a PRE-apocalyptic society, which this film makes no attempt to establish or explain. Fail.
Otherwise, the storyline was satisfactory in setting up a futuristic, but oddly Western-style alternate reality. The action was merely decent, but more of the martial arts-variety, with flying metal crosses/stars and kung-fu than futuristic weaponry. This was very disappointing, as one of the best parts about futuristic action movies is cool gadgetry/weaponry. The closest thing we saw was a motorcycle capable of going 200+ MPH. How… not exciting.
The villain, a former priest-turned-vampire, is a very one-dimensional character at best. There was little to no nudity, so that severely downgrades the film in my opinion (there is a little cleavage, however). There’s no lesbians at all, or even a hint of lesbian activity, so that’s another knock on the film. The female lead, a warrior priestess who aids Bettany, is completely unbelievable as a character (as all female leads who can kick other mens’ asses usually are). Additionally, I am getting sick and tired of these movies also coming out in 3D with little to no difference in viewing experience. It’s just an excuse for us to pay a few extra bucks for something that is no longer novel. I made sure to see this movie in 2D, and I highly recommend you do the same.
If you like character development, this movie is not for you. If you like serious, thoughtful dialogue, this movie is not for you. If you enjoy turning off your higher motor functions for an hour and a half, go buy a ticket for Priest. It’s not a total waste of your time. And it was much, much better than Legion.
Despite Obama’s failed attempts to force into law the Development, Relief and Education of Alien Minors Act (DREAM) during the close of the 2010 congressional session last year, the issue is once again at the forefront of today’s headlines (or at least right below the main headline about last night’s American Idol winner). Last Friday, the California state legislature voted to pass Assembly Bill 130, modeled after the aborted federal law. The law mandates that certain illegal immigrants will become eligible to qualify for in-state tuition as well as allowing them access to apply for scholarships through government aid. Expected to be signed by California Governor Jerry Brown in the coming days, the DREAM Act would also provide a path for permanent legal residency for those illegal immigrants who qualify for the program.
The DREAM Act is just the first step in Obama’s (and the Democratic Party’s) vision of “comprehensive immigration reform,” more commonly known as amnesty. The overwhelming majority of the American population disagrees with this vision, evidenced by a poll released this year citing 55% of those polled against passing a bill granting illegal immigrants living in the U.S. a path to legal status compared to only 43% in favor (USA Today/Gallup, Jan. 14-16th). Furthermore, an astonishing 68% of Americans believe we should move towards stricter enforcement of immigration law rather than integration of illegal immigrants (Quinnipiac University Poll, Aug. 31st-Sept. 7, 2010). Obviously, the Democrats’ obsession with amnesty is not the voice of the People. Rather, it has become little more than a thinly veiled attempt to attract a growing Hispanic electorate towards the Democratic Party, regardless of the disastrous consequences. From increases in crime, the overburdening of government services, to fiercer competition for jobs in a recession economy, illegal immigration poses a serious threat Democrats choose to ignore in their shameless pursuit of the Hispanic vote.
This is not just alarmist rhetoric or right-wing propaganda. California is near bankrupt. We are billions of dollars in debt, with an aging transportation network, antiquated public school system, and grotesquely enormous welfare state. Our state-run colleges are already incredibly impacted by legal citizens who desperately want an affordable education. We are also one of the most heavily taxed states in the union, with much of this money going towards supporting the livelihoods of millions of illegal immigrants who are unlawfully here. I realize there are provisions in the DREAM Act which mandate that eligible illegal immigrants must prove that they have paid state taxes for a certain number of years. But passage of this bill will lead to a slippery slope where such provisions will not be in place, and government benefits will be given to an ever-increasing supply of illegal immigrants.
Democrats point to the slippery slope argument as hyperbole, the “usual right-wing rhetoric of fear.” Yet we have already experienced the failures of amnesty during the Reagan years. Millions of illegal immigrants were granted amnesty and given permanent legal residency, which only spurred more illegal immigration and increased the problem exponentially since that regrettable decision. Are we really that stupid to think it would work now? What would prevent illegal immigration from ever occurring if we simply legalized their actions every few years, or provide them a path to legalization? California is struggling under the weight of such colossal financial strains placed upon it by the multitude of illegal immigrants. Amnesty will only exacerbate the problem, not alleviate it. For every emergency room that must admit an illegal immigrant who got into a knife fight with his fellow cholos, that is a burden on the state. For every illegal immigrant who must be jailed for drug-running, that is a burden on the state. For every illegal immigrant who breeds like an uncontrollable rat and sires yet another illegitimate offspring, there is born a natural U.S. Citizen, requiring state funding for public education or food stamps – perhaps the worst burden on the state.
That is not to say that I am opposed to all immigration. In fact, many Americans are proud of our immigrant history, and all the hard work our ancestors put into building this country into the superpower it is today. But those legal immigrants went through a lengthy process to enter this country legally and provided all the necessary documentation to do so. They were not a drain on American society, but rather the backbone of it. Today’s illegal immigrants, when not busy stealing, raping, and/or doing drugs, are too busy dropping out of high school, having teen pregnancies, and/or beating San Francisco Giants fans into comas.
The DREAM Act is in reality of little consequence, because one of its provisions (eligible illegal immigrants must have graduated from high school or received a GED-equivalent) thankfully precludes most illegal immigrants from ever accessing the Act’s benefits. However, there will come a day when the DREAM Act is looked upon as just the first stepping stone towards the larger path to amnesty so wantonly desired by the Democrats. And when that day comes, when our road signs are printed in Spanish, when the Big Mac is the Big Enchilada, and when soccer displaces football as the #1 sport in America – you know who to blame.
Fuck the spineless, self-serving, sycophantic, servile Socialists. What we really need is a law to kick them out of the country.
The Lakers-Mavericks series sweep was more than just humiliating. It marked the culmination of a season-long decline for the Lakers, a season marred by multiple 4+ game losing streaks and continual disappointment. Lakers fans, coming off back-to-back championships, expected far more than the effort this team put forth this year. It wasn’t that long ago that sports pundits were lauding the Lakers off-season moves, over-reacting to their scorching hot start, and making comparisons to Jordan’s 72-win Bulls squad. Oh, how things change.
Maybe it truly was that the team was out of gas and no longer had the desire to win it all. It certainly seemed that way in the end. There is a fair amount of argument right now between Lakers fans. A few come to the defense of the Lakers, calling out those criticizers as bandwagon fans who are now jumping off the wagon and forgetting about the Lakers’ recent back-to-back championships. These die-hards have a point – it seems almost ungrateful to not consider all that this team has delivered to the city of L.A. in recent years. Three finals appearances, two of which resulted in championships… that’s a great feat not many teams can hope to accomplish.
But to completely excuse the Lakers is to live in denial of how utterly complacent and unmotivated this team was towards the end of the season and into the playoffs. Losing five consecutive games at the end of the season to sub-.500 teams should have been a warning sign. Having the Hornets give us a real series was another – especially a Hornets team missing their second best player in David West. But I don’t think anything really prepared us for the smack-down at the hands of the Mavericks.
The Mavericks didn’t so much as win that series as the Lakers lost it. They lost it when they decided to sign veteran guard Derek Fisher to an extension, despite years of visibly increasing decline. They lost it again by failing to address mobility concerns by signing Fisher by giving a contract to Steve Blake. Pau Gasoft, missing since the 2008 Finals with the Celtics, re-appeared during the playoffs, settling for off-balance jump-shots, getting shut-down in the paint, and hardly playing any defense. When Andrew Bynum wasn’t busy bitching about his teammates’ trust issues, he was busy staring at his teammates not giving him the ball. Kobe was your standard Kobe… but not even the best player in the world can win the Finals all by himself.
So what is there to do in the aftermath? Well, for starters, the Lakers need a new head coach. Brian Shaw is the lead candidate, and I’ve got no qualms with that decision. Secondly, the Lakers need to trade Andrew Bynum while the rest of the league still believes he has value. His attitude is piss-poor, as evidenced by his elbow-throw and ejection in Game 4. His work ethic is even worse, as he opted to refrain from getting surgery on his knee during the off-season to attend the World Cup and missed several months of the regular season. It would be fantastic if Mitch Kupchak could get Dwight for Bynum somehow, someway, as well as speedy, defensive-minded guard who would help the Lakers not get anally penetrated by the likes of JJ Barea. And I wouldn’t put it past him from performing such a miracle, after having acquired Pau Gasol for a bunch of spare parts. Speaking of Pau Gasol, they need to help him find his balls and reattach it to his body.
But most importantly, the entire Lakers team needs a make-over in mentality. Only Kobe played this season with any motivation. Odom was too busy with a reality TV show with his hideous excuse of a wife. Bynum was always complaining about being hurt. Pau Gasol never was quite the same after playing so many heavy minutes early in the season when Kobe missed a few games. The Fisher/Blake combo gave us fits. We don’t need to blow it up and rebuild, but we do need to retool if we want to see Kobe get his sixth ring.
And you’re not jumping off the bandwagon if you think so.
So I was vegetating on my couch last night, flipping back and forth between the Heat beat-down of the Celtics and South Park, when my cell phone beeped with this text message: “Finally, Obama finishes the job Bush couldn’t.” Confused, I answered back, “what?” “Took down Osama,” my brain-washed, living-in-a-hippie-commune-in-Boulder-Colorado, liberal friend replied. “Bush was inept at killing Osama like many other things during his regime. Finally Obama cleaned up the mess.”
This mentality absolutely infuriates me, and I only suffered through more of it today, as my other brain-dead liberal buddies praised Obama. Without the policies and vision of possibly one of the greatest leaders in American, nay world, history, this day would have never been. At least Obama admitted as much during his speech last night, crediting his predecessor for providing the tools to make this day even possible. So many millions of other liberals, however, hate Bush so much that they fail to see this.
George W. Bush was not a perfect president. Yet he kept this country safe from a foreign terrorist attack on U.S. soil since 9/11, despite the concerted efforts of our enemies to attack us once again. His launching of full-scale military operations in Afghanistan decimated al Qaeda leadership and eradicated Taliban rule, even if Osama was never caught. His method of retaliation was not narrowly limited to a few precision missile strikes into mountain-side bunkers, as Gore most likely would have done. Instead, Bush had the vision to implement permanent regime change and rebuild Afghanistan into a functioning, democratic state. He sought the same in Iraq as well, dismantling a cruel dictatorship and empowering Iraqis to go to the election polls and have a say in their governance.
It is true that not everything has gone to plan in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our economy is now sagging under the weight of waging these dual wars (on top of that tiny little thing called the welfare state no liberal wants to talk about, except when it’s about making it bigger). The exit strategy/nation-building didn’t go as according to plan, but much of this can be attributed to how evil the enemy we fought truly was. Using suicide bombers, killing their own countrymen, no regard for human life… this was a determined enemy that our military, post-Clinton, was not trained to fight. And yet Bush’s (and Rumsfeld’s) transformation of our military has made our country stronger, and more capable of counter-insurgency than ever before. Our bold undertaking in Iraq and Afghanistan has ushered forth a wave of democratic revolutions and protests across the Middle East in Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Syria, and Iran.
Much like how the dot-com bust Bush inherited cannot be attributed to Bush but rather his predecessor, the uprising of democratic movements and Osama’s death cannot be credited to Obama. It was Bush’s bold vision and policy that made this day possible, in spite of the liberal-minded simpletons who once criticized his actions (and yet have praised Obama for identical ones). But it is not enough to simply bask in the aftermath of the successes of Bush’s foreign policies. There is a very real fear that in the political vacuum now sweeping across the Middle East, the Muslim Brotherhood Party and other radical Islamic groups will seize power and turn their home states into theocratic, repressive regimes, hostile to U.S. interests, cut from the same mold as the Iranian Revolution of 1979.
It is our duty now to remember that despite Osama’s death, the path to long-term stability and freedom in the Middle East is far from over. We must support these oppressed peoples, not simply out of humanitarian reasons, but because of vital strategic reasons in terms of economic and national security. What millions of liberals scorned Bush for is finally coming to fruition. The “transformative” power of a free Iraq and free Afghanistan, ridiculed by many liberals as hollow rhetoric, has been an unstoppable force, incapable of being ignored by even the fiercest Bush critic. I recall thousands of liberal media pundits blasting Bush for his short-sighted vision of a democratic Middle East, how the world is safer with Saddam still in power, or that democracy is incompatible with Islam. Now the liberals praise Obama for his apology tour and point towards a Facebook/Twitter revolution for this watershed of democratic movements in the Middle East. Give credit to where credit’s due, you fucking liberal swine. You can’t blast a guy for what he’s done for nearly a decade, and then credit his successor for all the outcomes that derive from it.
George W. Bush, you have been vindicated as far as I’m concerned. Now I only pray we as a nation possess the fortitude to see the job through and take advantage of the political upheaval to install lasting, democratic, and peaceful nations.
God Bless America.
God Bless Bush.