I’m not going to lie.
You will be shocked to hear this, but a lot of what Obama said during his speech to Congress last Thursday night regarding his new economic stimulus plan was music to my ears. It was refreshing to hear a Democrat recognize the dire economic straits we’re in right now, and lobby hard for hundreds of billions of dollars in tax cuts to revitalize the economy. Under Obama’s new plan, nearly $240 billion in tax revenue will be kept in the American people’s pockets with the reduction of Social Security and payroll taxes, and tax incentives for businesses to hire new workers. It’s shocking to hear the #1 Democrat in the country call for cut-backs in Medicaid and Medicare, but Obama is for that too. I’m not quite sure how Social Security, which is already bleeding out money and on the road to insolvency, can handle such a reduction in revenue, but who cares. I’ve said before Social Security is a huge Ponzi scheme, and the more we can do to cripple, destabilize, and de-fund it, the faster we can move towards a retirement program that actually works (private savings accounts?).
I haven’t read the bill extensively or heard too much analysis about it, so I don’t know what kind of pork barrel legislation is stuffed in there. What I do disagree with is Obama’s (and the federal government’s) fascination with dumping billions of dollars into government jobs in construction. These jobs are merely temporary, as once the stimulus money runs out, those hired will be right back to unemployment status. And while I do recognize the need to modernize our decaying transportation and communication network, too many dollars are wasted by inefficient government bureaucracies for actual progress to be made. You need only look at Republican candidate Rick Perry to see the fallacy of job creation through stimulus spending. If government is serious about improving the infrastructure, it will allow private companies to operate and maintain toll roads, or at the very least out-source construction jobs to the most competitive companies, instead of being buddy-buddy with the same contractors who fleece the taxpayer’s pocket.
I also disagreed with Obama’s proposal to help Americans refinance their loans with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to prevent defaults and help restore the housing market. If anything, this will create a positive incentive for millions of more Americans to default on their mortgages and look towards the federal government for bail-outs. We need to allow the foreclosures to happen, and just bulldoze the empty homes. Only then will the housing market recover, and true economic recovery can begin. It’s just a simple matter of supply and demand. No matter how hard you lean on banks to refinance mortgages, the housing market will never adjust with such a cheap supply of foreclosed homes on the market.
All in all, it was refreshing to hear a Democrat finally recognize that we need to haul back Social Security, Medicaid, and Medicare and provide more tax breaks/benefits to businesses, but Obama’s other proposals were party rhetoric. We need to let the free market run its course, whether that means the housing market undergoes this serious market correction, or we allow real jobs, not temporary government construction ones, to be created. Doing anything less just puts a band-aid on a canker sore.
I was chatting with one of my liberal friends from college the other day, and we started fiercely debating the current dire economic situation and the causes behind it. It was your typical back-and-forth liberal/conservative talking points regarding taxes, the welfare state, and the costs of foreign wars, until he made this startling statement: “Government can always run a debt – we don’t need a balanced budget.”
In this day and age of massive federal debt, skyrocketing inflation, and double-digit unemployment, a liberal was telling me that Keynesian economics is still alive and well. Disregard the fact that decades of deficit spending espoused by Keynesian theory has directly lead to our spiraling, out-of-control debt. Ignore the fact that the vast, unsupportable welfare state, created by the Great Socialist F.D.R. and threatening to destroy America today, was a direct by-product of the Keynesian thought that government should have a predominant role in the free market. Just focus on the central premise of Keynesian economics – that market forces are inefficient and saving is detrimental to the economy – and you will realize the great disconnect liberals have with the current economic situation.
The Classical School of economic theory has been tossed aside in favor of Keynesian theory since the 1930s, but no one in government has stopped to ask if it’s working (or if they have, they’ve been marginalized as crazy nut-jobs, a la Ron Paul). Clearly, decades of deficit spending, policies anathema to saving, and the entrenched belief that government must interfere with the free market has lead to the situation we have now – scenarios in which energy and oil companies receive enormous federal subsidies to invest in clean energy research, despite posting record quarterly profits, or a welfare state that fails to remove people from its payroll and creates cyclical poverty in the inner-cities, or runaway increases in the prices of goods as we tinker on the edge of hyperinflation. Sadly, liberals are not the only ones guilty of embracing Keynesian economics. George W. Bush, in his last years of presidency, passed bail-out packages similar to those of Obama’s, based on the same application of the flawed Keynesian theory. If you remember the phrase “too-big-to-fail,” that idea is exactly the premise behind Keynes.
Liberals and neo-conservatives suffer from a disconnect with economic reality because their basic outlook on the free market is derived from the debunked Keynesian theory. They refuse to observe the calamity Keynes has created, and stubbornly adhere ever closer to the theory’s tenants, despite the insurmountable evidence disputing it. There have been several challenges since the implementation of Keynesian theory, most notably those of Milton Friedman and the Austrian School, but they force politicians to make hard, unpopular decisions. It is much easier to allow the system to continuously dig itself into an ever deeper hole, until we do default on our foreign debt or we have to pay $1,000.00 for a loaf of bread, than to tell your constituents that you cut pork barrel legislation from your district.
This “super-committee” of six Republicans and six Democrats tasked with identifying $1.5 trillion in spending cuts over the next ten years is a drop in the bucket compared to the double-digit debt we have in the trillions. They may bicker and posture in front of the cameras, but the reality is that whatever proposal they suggest will not be enough. The underlying system itself, founded on Keynesian theory, is fundamentally wrong. We can’t support wasteful subsidies to profitable businesses anymore, and Republicans will have to make that difficult decision. We can’t afford to keep millions of impoverished people on the welfare state (a recent report cited that nearly 45% of all Americans receive some type of benefit from the federal government’s welfare state) without making any efforts to remove people from its payrolls, and Democrats will have to face their inner-city voters and make that hard decision. Until we change that, the efforts of the super-committee will result in nothing but cosmetic changes to a dying economy.
Rumors are leaking all over the internet that World War Z, the highly anticipated post-apocalyptic zombie movie starring Brad Pitt and based off the novel of the same name by Max Brooks, will have nothing to do with the book’s storyline. In case you aren’t a zombie enthusiast, World War Z was an epic masterpiece of zombie literature, set years after a zombie apocalypse has ravaged the planet and humanity. It followed the travels of a U.N. worker who interviews various characters and records their harrowing accounts of the rise, spread, and defeat of a global zombie menace. When news of the movie broke out several years ago, zombie fanatics everywhere drooled at the thought of a hundred million dollar budget zombie flick based off this innovative novel.
But… Paramount Studios, the producers of the movie, just released a teaser, one-line synopsis of the movie, and it sounds nothing like the book.
“The story revolves around United Nations employee Gerry Lane (Pitt), who traverses the world in a race against time to stop the Zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatening to decimate humanity itself.”
What the fuck!!
This sounds like basically every zombie movie ever made. Instead of exploring the incredibly detailed and in-depth world created by Max Brooks, the producers have decided to just make another rehashed zombie movie. The most interesting parts of the novel were the individual accounts from everyday people and the metaphors strewn throughout referencing political, social, and even religious undertones. One of my favorite “journal entries” was an entry attributed to a South Korean observer, who described North Korea’s preparation for the zombie apocalypse and how their population was conditioned to survive it. Paramount has thrown this element out the door and has opted instead to make another, “action hero with guns shoots zombies, saves world,” movie. Lame.
I will undoubtedly still see the movie. But consider myself sorely disappointed. Paramount could have done something epic with this novel. It would have changed the zombie genre entirely, and breathed more life into it than George A. Romero ever could now (sorry Romero, but you suck now – Survival of the Dead was awful). Sadly, they weren’t up to the task.
We are mere weeks away from the United States defaulting on its financial obligations. Without increasing the debt ceiling, the federal government will be unable to pay the costs of our enormous welfare state and our interest rates will sky-rocket. America’s first Kenyan president, Obama, claims that Republicans have been irresponsible cry-babies who are blocking progress towards raising the debt ceiling by stone-walling the debate. Republicans, who now hold majority control in the House, have reasonably argued that in light of the disastrous financial crisis in 2008 and the ongoing recession, we should exercise some constraint and work to reduce our debt in the future through spending cuts. This logic falls on the deaf ears of the Democrats and Kenya’s favorite son, who don’t want any cuts in our massive welfare state, but rather increased taxes to further stifle economic recovery.
HOW THE FUCK IS ANYONE A DEMOCRAT?! YOU MUST BE FUCKING RETARDED IF YOU CAN’T SEE WHO IS RIGHT OR WRONG ON THIS ISSUE.
This isn’t a matter of left or right, liberal or conservative. It’s simple fucking logic. The main reason we’re in this financial mess is because Americans borrowed more money than we could, whether it be on credit cards they couldn’t pay off or mortgages on homes they couldn’t afford. Republicans have learned this lesson, and their efforts to introduce budget cuts reflect this learned principle. Democrats, however, keep thinking it can be business-as-usual, simply borrowing unlimited money and going further and further into debt. It’s outrageous that Obama and the Democrats are actually making the ludicrous claim that the Republicans are the irresponsible ones here. The only way you can think otherwise is if you’re a fucking moron and can’t appreciate logic.
The suggestion that we can simply maintain our egregiously large welfare state by increasing tax revenues spits in the face of reason. How does this make any fucking sense, when job creation is at its lowest levels since the Great Depression and we’re suffering from over double-digit unemployment. And don’t let the Democrats fool you – this isn’t taxes on the richest 1-2% either, it’s corporate taxes and middle-income families. Not only would such a policy arrest our recovering economy, it would put us in a perilous situation where we continue to think we can still support this extravagant welfare state.
We need some real fucking solutions here. Social Security is a huge Ponzi scheme. As a young American under 30, I’m paying into a system that will undoubtedly collapse before I’ll be able to cash anything out. Fuck the elderly and the poor. You know who took care of the elderly before Social Security? FAMILIES. Maybe if we didn’t have all these faggot couples marrying in New York and divorce rates over 50%, we’d still have a semblance of an idea what a family unit was. Families should take care of the elderly, and only the very small number of elderly without familial connections should be put in government-run nursing homes. No Social Security. At all. And fuck welfare and Medicaid. If you want to escape poverty, either do it through your own means by getting an education and getting a job, or join the military. I’m sick and tired of seeing our country being dragged down by the weight of these free-riding, welfare recipients, who are more content smoking their crack pipes in the projects and looking forward to their monthly welfare checks than working a low-income job to support themselves. Realistically, we should forcibly sterilize all these mother fuckers, or maybe put them in forced labor camps.
These austerity measures may be a little extreme for the mainstream public. At least right now. But mark my fucking words – if we follow the path of the Democrats, we are going to be fucking ruined.
In honor of this July 4th weekend, I thought it would be fitting to make a short list of the biggest reasons why I love this great country.
5. Manifest Destiny
We’re coast to fucking coast, baby. Who the fuck cares about vacationing in Europe? I don’t want to see a bunch of decrepit ruins. We have everything in this great country – the best Clam Chowdah from New England, the Rust Belt in the Midwest, the Heartland in the South, Everglades and Lebron’s South Beach in Florida, mile-high Coors Field in the Rockies and the best state overall in California. Oh, and we also decided to add non-contiguous states too with a tropical island (Hawaii) and a vast wilderness escape (Alaska) because that wasn’t enough for us. We are bad-ass. And look what we’ve done with the country – metropolises, suburbs, with a teeming population of righteous Americans. A lot better than those ganga-smoking Indians, I’ll tell you that much.
When I went to Mexico a few years ago on business, some little punk asked me if I loved football. “Sure, I love football,” I said. “Great sport!” Excited, he started talking about the Mexican Soccer team and how he couldn’t wait to see them advance in the World Cup. Hold the fuck up here. Football is a gladiatorial sport played with freakishly large athletes pumped full of anabolic steroids. The objective of the game is to move a piece of dead pig into the opposing team’s territory, and you can beat, mash, and do everything short of murder the opposing players to achieve your objective. This is not the same as soccer. Soccer is for fucking pansies. You can’t touch the ball and everyone takes more dives to the floor on contact than Derek Fisher. Soccer is for girly-men, and Football is for champions. Is there any doubt why the rest of the world is infatuated with soccer, and Americans only love football?
3. Our Military
We are bad-asses. We spend more on our military than the next ten countries put together. We can wage two wars concurrently and have it not effect the daily life of the average citizen at all. If we wanted to, we could invade, conquer, and establish Canada as the 51st state and the only thing that would happen is a U.N. objection. And guess what? The U.N. is located in San Francisco. Hahahaha! We dream fucking big. There are probably all sorts of weapons that could annihilate hundreds of millions of people the average citizen doesn’t even know about. Nobody would ever dare fuck with us, because if they do, we’ll invade their country, massacre their civilian populations, and install puppet governments. That’s fucking awesome.
2. Our Movies
Say what you will about Hollywood’s decline and the rise of sequels. Anything that comes out of Hollywood shits on Bollywood or other foreign movies. I read somewhere that more and more movies are coming out of India and gaining more credibility. I’ve seen those movies. They suck shit. If you want to watch a bunch of monkeys running around, eating curry and dancing like a terrorist, knock yourself out. I’ll stick to the proven formula of near-nudity and gratuitous violence American movies are known for. There are literally zero good foreign movies. If you think there’s a foreign movie better than an American movie, you might be a terrorist.
1. Our Patriotism
If you don’t include the liberals, Americans still love this country. We are proud to breath the fresh air of freedom, to drink the liberty of Coca Cola, and to piss out the inalienable rights we are all born with. We aren’t held at gunpoint to chant an oath of loyalty to the People’s Congress (China). We aren’t trying to become some international league of nations without national identity (E.U.). No, we are proud to be Americans and we love our Constitution. Who cares if the average citizen doesn’t know all the amendments, or even half of them. The fact that we even have them is worlds better than other backwards countries.
So do your patriotic duty. Buy some American beer. Grill some red-blooded meat. Fuck some loose, skanky woman this weekend. Do Uncle Sam proud.
The White House announced today that it will begin implementing a plan to remove most U.S. combat troops from Afghanistan by 2012. This incredibly short-sighted withdrawal would remove 10,000 troops by the end of this year, followed by a rapid reduction in troop numbers by 2012. The move is somewhat perplexing, as Afghanistan has experienced significant upgrades in security in its western and southern areas recently, but the eastern territory is still rife with insurgent strongholds. After all, Obama himself realized how vital the Afghan theater was in the War on Terror, as he authorized an unpopular troop surge there several years ago. With America on the verge of success, we shouldn’t just abandon the cause now, should we? In the end, this political blunder is yet another example of the haphazard and reckless foreign policy decisions committed by Kenya’s favorite son.
As the election year grows closer, Obama is forsaking the advice of his military generals and opting for the politically expedient solution of premature troop withdrawal before true stability in Afghanistan has been established. The poll numbers do not lie. Our foreign wars are vastly unpopular, amongst Republicans, Democrats, and independents. However, a true leader would withstand the lashes of public opinion and the barbs of the mainstream media to strive towards a real goal he believed in. That was the greatness of George W. Bush. Hate him or love him, his determination to bring forth a democratic Middle East is the reason why the Arab world is undergoing a Freedom Revolution right now. He didn’t care what the public said about him now, because he knows he will be vindicated by the history books of tomorrow. Obama is exactly the opposite. He is a man without character, motivated only to act in accordance with the most publically agreeable course of action in order to secure his re-election, regardless of the dangers of doing so.
Abandoning Afghanistan now would be a fatal mistake to U.S. foreign policy. The country just experienced its most violent month in terms of civilian casualties this May since mid-2007. The Afghan president and his cronies are corrupt, tolerating and negotiating with the Taliban in the countryside instead of helping American troops root them out. If we leave now, all that will happen is a truce between the terrorist insurgents and the Afghan government, and that truce will lead to terrorist safe havens, training camps, and a fertile breeding ground for Al Qaeda all over again. It is tragic that we have lost so many good American lives, spent so much money, and had to grieve over so many casualties over the years… but what was the whole damn point if we just leave now and let things return to the way it was before? Even Defense Secretary Robert Gates cautions for a very conservative troop withdrawal, and Senator John McCain warns that putting a timetable on the withdrawal at all will just allow the terrorists to “wait out” the Americans.
This is not like withdrawing from Vietnam. Nixon implemented a policy of Vietnamization, putting more of the security responsibilities on the South Vietnam government, just like Obama plans to do. When Ford pulled out entirely, the house of cards fell, just like what will happen in 2012 when we fully withdraw from Afghanistan. The ensuing invasion by the North was of little consequence to America in the end, because the Northern communists only wanted to rule their country, not export their hatred across international borders. But Obama faces a different ideological enemy. Al Qaeda is entirely an international terrorist organization, wishing to plant itself in as many countries as possible, and its message is that of militant, Islamic terrorism against civilians. They will not stop until a Caliph rules the entire world, and we are all subjects of Allah. We must seek out and destroy each Al Qaeda operative, and purge their rhetoric of hatred from our world.
I am disappointed in yet another instance of the failure of Obama’s resolve, but I am not shocked. What is frustrating to see, however, is that Obama is expanding American military intervention in Libya, and the liberal media is near unanimous in their support of that campaign. I don’t give a fuck about Libya if Afghanistan, the breeding ground and originator of the terrorist group that killed 3,000 innocent American civilians, is still a mess. We ought to fix what’s broke right now, instead of trying to break something else.
I saw the trailer for Moneyball yesterday before watching The Green Lantern, and I don’t know whether or not to see this movie. On the one hand, I think Brad Pitt is a phenomenal actor, the storyline intrigues me, I read the book, and how often do you see a movie based off sabermetrics? Cool. On the other hand, I fucking hate Jonah Hill, and the fact that he’s been cast as Peter Brand, the ingenious assistant to general manager Billy Beane (Brad Pitt’s character) might lead me to boycott the movie altogether.
Now I know some of you are saying I’m over-reacting. “Jonah Hill is funny! Superbad was awesome!” Yes, Superbad was funny, but that was because Jonah Hill’s character was a fat fucking loser who couldn’t get laid and was socially inept. My favorite part of the movie was early on when he got spat on the face by the punks near the liquor store. Take that, you fat ugly fuck. Jonah Hill more or less played the same character in Knocked Up, but it was a minor role and thus he was less memorable(that movie also featured the adult version of Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, who is equally fat and disgusting in addition to always being cast as a stoner). The shift away from this lovable idiot role started with Forgetting Sarah Marshall, where Jonah was a drug dealer waiter at some island resort in Hawaii with witty one-liners and the nerve to mock rock stars. In reality, if a fat ass waiter mocked a rock star in real life, there wouldn’t be hilarious banter back-and-forth. There would be immediate job termination of said fat ass waiter… maybe a physical beat-down as well.
My sneaking suspicion that Jonah Hill was transforming into a “cool, hip” actor was fully realized with Get Him to the Greek, an awful film in which Jonah played the enviable role of an up-and-coming Hollywood agent who gets into all sorts of exclusive bars/clubs and fucks all sorts of hot bitches. Hold the fuck up here. When did we approve of this? Jonah Hill is funny to me when I’m laughing at him, not with him. I want to see him fail and be spurned by ladies, not succeed and bang girls I can only dream of getting with. This switch infuriated me, and the fact that it’s being continued with Moneyball infuriates me even more. There is no fucking way Jonah Hill, in all his disgusting, fat, horribly unwitty self should be allowed to become Hollywood cool.
I would rather two big black men gorilla fuck and double penetrate my wife/girlfriend/sister/mother than have a one-on-one with Jonah Hill. The fact that Jonah Hill already gets tons of pussy in real life because of his money and fame pisses me off. If he starts playing that character in movies, I will just boycott every Jonah Hill movie ever made. Think about it – we all know women are money-grubbing whores, with no regards for character, personality, or good looks. In Hollywood movies, we can still convince ourselves that women are attracted to the latter. If you start churning out movies where fat disgusting fucks like Jonah Hill gets the job, gets the money, AND gets the girls… why, you’ve destroyed Hollywood magic and all that is holy.
Fuck you Jonah Hill. The fact that you’re famous, and you got your start as being a fat fucking loser pisses me off to no end. Now that you’re transitioning from that beginning, you think you can land a role next to Brad Pitt in a movie I’ve long waited to see? No, it doesn’t work that easy. I pray America is still a land of shallow, empty people who will be repulsed by your rolling double chins and that disgusting thing you call facial hair. I pray Moneyball tanks, and the reviews for the movie blast your casting choice and you will forever be typecast as a fucking loser like Rob Schneider. I know ten disgusting fat fucks from high school and college that can portray your characters just as well as you can, you pathetic excuse of an actor. You are not witty, you are not cool, and the only thing funny about you was laughing at you.
FUCK JONAH HILL.